manage to be on time

When I awake in the morning the connection between my brain and right side is broken and I am temporarily paralysed and can’t get out of bed all because my nerve pain has clogged up the network. It takes much mental battling and time to put enough of it back together to get my body moving enough to sit up in bed with the help of my Personal Assistant and then the hard work starts again to find and link the necessary nerves to enable my legs to move and swing my body out of bed. if asked how long this takes all I can say is ‘how long is a piece of string?’ it varies so much, with no identifiable factors that influence the time required. his makes me more often late than not for early morning appointments.
knowing I had a 9.30am appointment I opt to sleep on the sofa hoping to trick my body into thinking it was only napping and must resist the destructive powers of my never pain.  Wow manage to get up shortly after 07.30am and out on time to be at physio for 09.30am – a miracle!  Was sleeping on the sofa in the living room what enabled me to get up without too much battling to reconnect the network of nerves? Was this arousal aided by all the clattering coming from the kitchen? Or was it purely one of my better mornings and the brain and right side had some connection on waking? Do I repeat this tactic again next time or just sleep where I’m supposed to sleep? Sometimes, I wish I didn’t always over-analyse everything!
the physio has me attempt to bring the right side of my pelvis down but not the left. No matter how hard I focus and concentrate my mind on this task, even conjuring up a mental imagine of my right side pressing down and yet my right side just ain’t shifting. There just isn’t a connection. It feels as though I’m trying to use brain power to some innate object sitting away from me. Mentally exhausted in a tiny number of minutes I lose all concentration and my body goes slack! The physio suggests placing a prop under the left side of my pelvis hoping to trick the right side into pressing down independent of the left. That fails too because the moment I try to get the right side to step in line and obey my left side presses down into the prop, till it practically bottoms-out.  So no luck there either.
The physio is good and decides to take a different tactic. I’m to stand tall keeping my posture perfectly straight and kick the right leg out behind me. I get it to do this exercise or so I believed till the physio demonstrated how I achieved this not through the muscles on the right side of my lower back but by leaning my torso forward. So what other ways has my body found that enables me to move the right side without the correct muscles working?
In the end I manage to make the tiniest connection and my right leg shakes and wobbles like jelly. So there is a connection but it will take painstaking amount of effort and practice to strengthen these muscles on the right side of lower back and no guarantee that all my hard work will pay-off. To think there is every possibility that these muscles never get stronger having spent all that time and effort in putting in the hard slog for nothing when I could have used that time and energy undertaking something I wish to do, knowing I will have something to show at the end of it.
I feel a bit like this foal as my leg wobbles!
I empathise with this little fella's struggles

I empathise with this little fella’s struggles

How am I to continue to fight against my inner thoughts of there being no point practicing the exercises due to skepticism at it making any difference – eleven years too late, or it will be in seven more days? I can’t help thinking I’d be better off spending the time doing something I know I can achieve or I enjoy?

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